4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Operation Purity has been aborted
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
