you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just invented taco cereal.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
