perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
