My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
