On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize