I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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