You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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