She's JV to your varsity
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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