Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
