So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
