How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish you could order shots online.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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