I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize