Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
