I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
