Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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