I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
