my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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