Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that

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(404): View more from Georgia

you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.

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(936): View more from Texas

She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph

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(256): View more from Alabama

FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex

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(303): View more from Colorado

That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?

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(847): View more from Illinois

It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.

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