Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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