I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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