my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I am mentally ready for anal.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
