What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
