the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
