So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
