I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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