Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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