when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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