Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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