I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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