All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
