He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
