is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
