Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
