No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He uses pillows to masturbate.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
