cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
