White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
