Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
