I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
