dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
