He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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