it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Randomize
