3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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