Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
