You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
