Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
