The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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