I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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