My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
