who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
