I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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