in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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