yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
