i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
