I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
