Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
