I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
