Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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