Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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