Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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