She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
