So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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