I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
