my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
