How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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