today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
