if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
