is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
