Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize